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Navigating the world of dating has never been my strong suit. The very idea of being vulnerable and opening up to someone you want to date has been something that has terrified me since I attempted to ask out the first girl I liked when I was in high school with terrible results mind you. In case you were wondering, the girl in question laughed at me. A Lot.  Through all the awkward interactions I’ve had with girls I’ve been interested in dating, the horrible first, second and third dates I’ve been on, the one serious relationship I was in during my early 20’s, I find myself here at 32, very single and wondering how I got here. How did I go through most of my 20’s only being in one serious relationship? I’ve also thought about my Indian background and how you’re expected to be married with a family by the time you’re in your late 20’s. I’ve essentially gone against every stereotypical dating archetype, both culturally and growing up in the United States. For the longest time I felt like I was missing out on something after seeing all my friends jump into relationship after relationship which eventually turned into seeing my friends and family of similar age get married and eventually have children. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be with anyone, romantically at least. Then, I came to a realization sometime in my 30’s: Life is truly different for everyone. We’re all on our own separate journeys and that this stereotype of dating and marriage that everyone is supposed to follow does not exist.  Finally realizing this fact has dramatically changed my life for the better.

“Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn’t meant to look like anyone else’s because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing, and start living. You may not have ended up where you intended to go. But trust, for once, that you have ended up where you needed to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough.“~Daniell Koepke

This quote best describes how I feel regarding being single and the journey I’m on as a 30-something Indian male living in the United States.  I spent most of my 20’s chasing that idea that I need to be with someone by a certain age which resulted on bad date after bad date in hopes I would find that relationship. In fact, all of the bad dates and bad short-term dating situations I was in during my 20’s has helped me figure out exactly what I’m looking for in a prospective romantic partner now that I’m in my 30’s. I used to get so bogged down in looking for “the perfect relationship” and the “perfect partner” solely based on family and societal pressures that I forgot to truly enjoy the best aspects of life. Whenever I’ve gotten down on myself on not fitting this age-old stereotype of not settling down in my 20’s or even settling down in my 30’s, I look at it like this:

I’m way more confident than I ever was in my 20’s so if I did end up in a serious relationship that turned into marriage during my 20’s, it probably would’ve ended badly because of my insecurities (that I still struggle with today but way less than I did in my 20’s).

I feel like I can open my heart (which is the name of a really great Madonna song by the way) way more now than I ever did when I was in my 20’s. If I ended up settling down in my 20’s, I probably would’ve turned into a jaded 30-something instead of the most of the time-optimistic 30-something I am now.

I’m finally starting a professional life for myself in the digital marketing field as well as a career as an aspiring writer. I wasn’t thinking career or anything long-term in my 20’s. It often takes all of your 20s just to work out what you want to do so expecting to be ready for retirement in your 30s is unrealistic. If you haven’t bought a house or don’t have a fancy car, who cares! Thinking you’re the only person who doesn’t have it all worked out is a dangerous game and the reality is that everyone is just as terrified as you are. Why I didn’t realize this when I was 28 as opposed to 32 is something I’ll never know but I’m working towards being successful in a career for the first time and have way more professional goals than I ever have in my entire life.  Being way more goal driven than I ever was in my 20’s will likely lead me to meet other goal driven people and who knows, it might lead to a connection with another goal-driven person.

Would I like to be in a passionate, romantic relationship with the girl of my dreams right now that involves lots of fun adventures, fun dates and wild, passionate sex? Sure, I think everyone wants that no matter how old you are or where you’re at in life. Are there nights I stay up wondering if I’m going to stay single for the rest of my life or if there’s someone out there I can truly connect with on that deep, romantic level? You bet! I try not to let these thoughts and insecurities bother me as much as they did in my 20’s even though there are nights that I still wonder what the hell I’m doing.

It all comes down to this simple truth: It’s 100% okay to be single no matter what your life circumstances are.

I always felt like something was wrong with me for being single for the majority of my 20’s while every one of my friends, family of similar age and peers were in relationships. Despite the world telling you should get married, be in a committed relationship and have children by the time you’re this age or that age, don’t let it bring you down. Own your life situation no matter where you’re at or what you’re doing with your life. You’re single and in your 30’s? Good for you! Own that. Be proud of that. Know that you have a lot of unique qualities and characteristics you would be bringing into any relationship or dating situation you might find yourself in. Take all of what makes you “you” into any date you go on and any life experience you partake in. Let the world know you’re single and ready to mingle. Okay, don’t do that. Just be proud of who you are no matter what your life story has been up to this point in your life.

If you’re past the stereotypical age of “settling down (I hate that term by the way),” then do the things that truly make you happy and spend time with the people that make you happy and who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone you connect with both on a personal and romantic level? At least that’s what I’ve been doing in my 30’s and it’s been working out great for me so far.